Teaching

 https://www.instagram.com/reel/DMald7iMMSdlzLvrAa-cCqQWuzFdp1mWn0H3ng0/?igsh=MXBuZm05MDZsNGg5cw==

Write about aftermath

Look at the saved thing on Instagram about writing

Pee wees bike at alamo

 Artifacts

https://www.facebook.com/share/1Lto2xA8AP/

Also Planet Hollywood where we would see the costumes the props it's like worship, there are certain Museum like qualities where we get to engage with Timeless 

Plan for Friday

Scratch that now it's on Monday

 Images

I hope to take that sub stack I started and move forward with using CA Conrad and Selah.

Talk a little about that naropa school

Divination

Take the Divination description that sayla just posted on subtract as a note it's in the Google Docs

Pull in The Rutledge film and religion book to look for definitions of what image means when intersecting religion and film

Shower for other quotes about how image religion film and poetry connect

Just add a note here, as I also know that I will be discussing character as far as the Mythos of characters, persona poems, and such, that looking at The Shining is a really good example of how using a film to imagine oneself in it even outside of persona but as someone within that world is a great approach that Dorothea Lasky did

Also to add what is my audience or why am I writing this book because it's the book where I'm putting together these things that have saved me, that I rely on for self-care, and I see patterns of other people having the same questions of why why do these things and so even writing this I'm continuing the search while compiling all of the information I've also acquired. So it could be like a shortcut to further openness and curiosity. The Heart of this book is about inclusiveness openness and curiosity that's where we know we can make the magic if it's learning or for being in a partnership or as a couple or friendships or anything we do. And I'll share that graphic of even of how then movie going and poetry works as we are going to be open to learning about ourselves as much as we go through either taking in or exploring on our own. Really I see so many other people interested in this and it's exciting to me.

Crying

 Crying at the movies

The crying book

Movie scenes with crying in them

Why is it difficult to cry?

Going to the movies to cry

Shame of crying in public and people unable to know what to do because we don't know how to ask people what we can do. Asking are you okay? Might not work well when someone's already crying

I'll give you something to cry about

Emotion picture Magic, Pages 12:13

Gosh i love movies

 https://www.instagram.com/goshmovieskc?igsh=dzM3aWZodDl3YXpl

Book to use as a way to write about single movies

 I love how David Thompson writes in moments that made the movies, that he is singling out an image, while riding with such empathy about movies. Citizen Kane was the first one I read and wow it knocked me off my feet. This is a book I'm going to read through and make notes about because I would love to write about even Punch-Drunk Love, the first time I saw the movie I laughed during the bathroom scene. For those who seen the movie you know what I'm saying, that even in cinema magic class I talked about how muffled that noise was, which allowed it also to be raised higher, that is just pure chaos as we're watching him destroy all of the things

Here is someone who is absolutely shut off by actually sharing his depression, that he seems okay and his resorted to rhetorical responses just as I had as someone who's a survivor. But here's his moment where he can't self-regulate anymore and must duck into the bathroom to let out his frustration.

It was eerily done my laugh that I was in the midst of such a situation that I couldn't allow myself that privilege of being able to destroy things to let out frustration.

I allowed things to continue bottling up.

When he returns to his date in the restaurant, it is truly humorous as he still tries to cover up what he's done.

Polyvagal therapy

 https://positivepsychology.com/polyvagal-theory/

Subchapters

 Maria lugones

Bell hooks

Directors

Poets

Movie titles, where we could also become poetic, each of these little Snippets allow me to have a little prose poetry too, I was thinking about Bell Hooks and how generous she was to give me permission to use those texts as just maybe knowing me of what I could humbly ask, but of course we know people through their writing too

I just concentrating on the small subchapter I can actually put a lot of good writing into it. That I can concentrate on the poeticness and real art based writing

Notes to move forward with

 Wow as I write this words down notes to move forward with, I think of how this phrase has been so important. When I was at my worst in 2021 that what I did was Journal writing, it became a ritual in looking at a list of what was wrong as well as a list of things I look forward to.

That I essentially came to the epiphany of what my book would look like which is subchapters within chapters, that I didn't want to write two extensively although I know that's what might not be well I needed something that represents who I am.

And I'm thinking of when I want the boat to accomplish I think about the things that I love, the things that helped and saved me, and to share my epiphanies as well as encourage others to do those things.

Openness and curiosity seems to be a main driving point and what education is for me, as well as continue with people as non-biased non-judgmental and no expectations.

Film is the essence of epiphany as you look at the etymology and what Epiphany means you can see how it relates to the movies.

I'm thinking of new rituals, I thought of ways I could reserve time for writing in 2026, I need a ritual to shape each poem and not just have the words generated, looking at desire versus need, and thinking of both can be accomplished at for mental health, is the even listing rituals and ritual making the subconscious way of looking at what we each wish to become?

Ca Conrad said time is never an issue because the ritual shows that we can always make time

So other rituals I would like is Friday night game time, Sunday night movie, restarting the sibling writing with jericho, I also do need to go through this blog and arrange the book chapters with subchapters

An example is the positive Trickster, where the subchapters would be each aspect, and then having reflection questions or poetic mode prompts

I need the ritual of going to the gym, and I need a ritual to go to Lawrence to find where the anecdote is within the poison

Movies where toxic masculinity takes place like fat camp, Mighty ducks, dodgeball, Bad News Bears with the girl on the team, and the coach is always toxic

In the book I also want a chapter about how to develop a ritual, like the Sunfire Leo example pulling in Elements which include writing if writing is healing, the somatic maybe as the tap into your own body through disorientation like see a Conrad

A reflecting on how belonging was such a big part of my positive experiences in Lawrence and then there is no one there to reach out to as the people I needed to run, the people I need to stay away from, and then those friends who sided, and then also people themselves sitting boundaries with me to not see me again currently

Jericho talked about the subtle gifts

What are the gifts I can include in my writing? Keep myself in check and not be a lecturer?

Memoir itself leads to new places, the image leading to what was not be there until you after the Memoir was written. And I know I need to write this Memoir in small bursts of information. I thought that Memoir isn't what you know but it's what you find in the writing.

B-roll advice

Epiphany

 https://www.google.com/search?q=epiphany+etymology&oq=epiphany+etym&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqBwgAEAAYgAQyBwgAEAAYgAQyBggBEEUYOTIHCAIQABiABDINCAMQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAQQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAUQABiGAxiABBiKBTIHCAYQABjvBTIKCAcQABiABBiiBDIHCAgQIRiPAtIBCTE2MzEyajBqOagCALACAQ&client=ms-android-verizon&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8

Seeking transformation

Seeking epiphany and sharing

Goals of the book

Wasted years

 You know that thing that hit me when I had to get out of that old life into actual leaving and living, is that I could see all of that as Wasted Years, and now I'm looking at all of these other things that I've had to do in my writing and I look at some of it and thought oh man I need to step up my game now more than ever, I need to step up my game by actually writing as a deeper me, that all of this led me here all of this led me here to hear, including all of those negative experiences I need to become fierce in my love fierce in my loving and those people who have stayed my friends now can recognize that in me and they actually like hanging out with me and they see me just as like I've seen them like I just do with anyone because how I love life now. But yeah those people I had to cut off from because they were horrible guys, or some of the people who cut off from me for whatever reason, I just need to appreciate the people who are still here. I mean things to my spouse it's such the best example of someone who accepts all of my flaws and histories and all of those lies I had to finally break because I came from a family of lies and abuse.

To be the best

 https://www.instagram.com/reel/DJkIHKsS7HL/?igsh=MWpkMWVhZm91Y3o1aw==

We need people around us who love us and see us for what we actually are and not what they read us to be. That we continue to be our best selves used to be acknowledged while helping others to be them their best selves. I remember when I ran into this at Eureka Springs where everyone was writing a memoir about trauma, but one person was writing it to just show "brag" how amazing they are as well as then call out people who have harmed them.

Pavement

 That band with the slacker feel which is real is such an inspiration to thinking about how Punk I want some of my writing to be. Just like that Regal Westridge 8 is the most Punk movie theater around. I mean there has to be a punk aesthetic if we're talking about healing and speaking out against domestic violence and sexual assault. We have to get punk about it.

A romanticized reading of the film kansas

 Like this small town trusts people enough that money in the bank is laid out on shelves in the back room, no safe.

Seers as set apart

 Toko-pa turner

"In myth, those who see too much are often set apart: the seers, the threshold keepers, the weavers of fate. In this piece, I explore hypervigilance—not just as a symptom of trauma, but as an ancient form of second sight, and how we might tend the wound without discarding the gift."

https://open.substack.com/pub/tokopa/p/letting-down-your-guard?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=2dy8e9

Bible, the prophet is not recognized in their hometown 

Images

 The connection between film and poetry, using image, and it's also part of what Maureen Murdock wrote about

So that even just starting something Elemental if you just see like an ocean wave to just follow through with that, through writing see where that ocean wave will take you, run it like a movie

Similar to EMDR and why that movie could take me somewhere because of my state of mind

I'll just say before writing to just write as fast as you can to get some words out, then do a brief meditation of breathing, clear the mind to let an image come to it

The most difficult part I think for people who aren't used to writing is just to trust and follow and not to think about it, comb through that subconscious or the consciousness of the conscious

As I'm doing these experimental writings and classes I realize I need to show students what to avoid to avoid the words like I'm looking forward to lunch, I can't wait till summer, I'm going to do this, and show them the type of words through my own example call it rambling on a deeper level. When we're rambling we're actually tapping into something deep and needed. We need to stop considering rambling as a detriment, especially with those who might be neurodivergent

Another black sheep post

 https://www.instagram.com/reel/DLqABreyK9c/?igsh=aWF2bnB2cmtvbWxz

Remember the Alamo Drafthouse

 I think I might actually write a piece about this soon, as I've tried to write about it, but right one more time about how in fractures Alamo Drafthouse in Kansas City was like no other getaway. I mean sure I have screen land and stray cat Film center. There's the new restored theater that's rarely showing films.

But all the ups and downs and even my self-boy caught and return to Alamo and ultimate demise and the pitch article that when they were going to close down the Kansas City one because of the pandemic there was a really good reason why. Unspoken reasons that the workers there finally could come forward and talk.

That every system is going to have its crookedness and the people in them won't be able to speak out because of the fear of being fired.

Vietnam

  the films that still could be made

We are still trying to catch up now with the Iraq and Afghanistan

Red Dawn Effect

 How Chris wanted to join the Marines and then did two years later while in high school

Recruitments people got it outside of theaters

The Transformers how the military will fund Hollywood scripts if they approve it

Mondays

 This is a note: that coming off of the weekend and familial time, it might be difficult to write Monday morning. I eased myself into getting some words out about Fast-Food, but I need the joy. Remember to attach play and joy to things.

Allowing other people to be heard

 Now I'm realizing, as Carrie is working on a substatic and she should let cal's voice be heard in a quote, I need to remember my own advice that I given writing classes. Allowing quotes creates the visceral, creates a better reading experience, as well as allows others in your story.

Cinemagic

 Enjoy the magic of the movies

Magic as in going outside of dominant or oppressive systems, see religious studies

I offered a film appreciation class which I named Cinemagic because I wanted the name to be unique and approach movies even though in an academic setting also in a unique setting or way

I wanted it in a real way and to examine directors as well as the different elements that make up a film

What I really loved was because I crossed listed it with Mass media, I had many mass media students who were excited and wishing to learn more about aatuer Theory

At the University I teach at has a focus of mass media filmmaking as in actually getting your hands on cameras and making films, as well as now the storytelling and cinematic storytelling, this was a unique opportunity to really focus on each element weekly as well as then parallel with directors

The first movie was do the right thing

Arrested development

 Pee-wee's Big Adventure

The boy Detective

The royal tenembaums

Ted? Watch this one

You can Count on Me

http://thecresset.org/2012/Advent/Barton_A2012.html

I'm still having my doubts about Ted. Because it's easy to see Arrested Development and many of these films. And many times their disguised as comedies. Like the Adam Sandler films, just very inappropriate especially towards women. I hated that movie where he kept bringing up that the lawyer had been someone who worked at Hooters and that became one of the funny aha endings to the movie.

I'm looking at Arrested Development that a character characters or family have those traits

Summer movies part 2

 Alongside how these familial drama movies show us how parent-child rebonding is the theme, there's also the issue about water.

Jaws was the first movie I could remember seeing at the drive-in but I mean is that as we were driving by the drive-in movie theater where the screen was way in the distance I could see jaws the scene of water I just remember people you know the shark in scene you know from point of view

Also when I was in the movie theaters for that James Bond movie where Adele sings This is the End close your eyes and count to 10 I immediately was Ray triggered and stuck in my seat as I thought of my first swimming lessons

I could finally go through my fear of water through going to Texas just this as they say once in a lifetime experience of seeing the ocean for the first time. The Beauty and the play from the water park. I thought of writing that how do I teach poetry in a way or even lead workshops that it's about how words are beautiful and arranging them in ways and then the play of arranging them

Part of this thinking came from the summer before when I went to naropa as part of the summer writers conference. Again I was really wonderful to have a school to help support me and all of that staff but I went as a student. It was there that CA Conrad gave me the way the ritual for helping heal from summer as well as those who were into horoscopes that I was a Leo Sun and Moon as well as a Leo