my mistakes this summer in handling GPT work
to avoid copying those oppressive-based professors
online, no student knows me
while I see the signs for drama--that some thrive off of it based on my familial, workbased, and bad friendship experiences
some people love digging down
drama and the need for it
drama thriller
you are being melodramatic, but there is something about our brains that might be drawn to this?
As I am fully engaged in how to help students, how I learned not to reach out by email in any way to "confront" with GPT evidence, how students have to remain in their stance--even dig in.
I, too, get dramatic if I am accussed of something I didn't do. I, too, can rally people to help if someone is out to get me.
That statement comes from my experiences.
Now I need to let it go after this semester, because the big vision is the sabbatical project.
Maybe I will write a chapter called Drama?
As someone with adhd, that's what I call it. As the overall mind doesn't stop thinking, there are other possibilities that come to intrude, especially when asked a question or when we can pull in for different things at once but we know we have to find a way just to discuss one. I know if my most calmest meditations the chatter is gone. And I can just focus on the breathing in the body.
This is also what happens to me at the movies. And this is also what happens to me when I'm in that Zone of poetics. It's because my mind is fully engaged and open to possibilities. It's an engagement that I'm happening on a different level where I can just experience. Even in creating a poem, it's the best one I Let Go
So what we know post pandemic is that more people would rather stay at home to stream movies than they would going to the theaters. And while we're really know there's a push to go to the movies bye Hollywood ads, we have to also acknowledge that there's something special about such ritual making. That I know what it means to go to a movie theater because of the rituals and Healthcare that I've gone through. That when others might see movies is just entertainment or even emotionally moving, I recognize that they have a healing power for me. I mean even 28 years later I love the genre bending and challenging that Alex garland does to get us in the state of being scared and terrified when it's actually the world we need to be scared of at this present moment. And why the movie goes into a deep message about love and what Humanity means because we need that message. We can't remain scared that we have to be able to leave those who would lie to us and leave like the hero's journey home to become transformed in love.
As the sabbatical approaches and what I mean is July is the full on start for me, I want to make sure that I'm going to start taking good care of my own body. It's going to require also what I'd like to do with that writing that comes from somatic practices. I was noticing in my poetry writing where I get into the letting go and letting the words down that it's a cool way to connect memories. So I'm going to try that too. So here's my list.
I want to treat Monday through Friday as the working days, and Saturday and Sunday as days of rest.
I'm not going to drink a beer every night, but maybe on Friday nights.
Having going to the gym, the rec center at washburn, Monday through Friday as part of my work day.
Eating well
Carrie gets Thursdays
I'm looking at Quentin Tarantino's new book, a memoir of stories about working in hollywood, and I'm not buying it. Okay, it's not that I don't believe him, but I'm just not forking over the money to buy this. Also, it's problematic to me as he defended Weinstein when finally women came forward as survivors, out of the male dominant oppressive system of Hollywood that protected him, that victim blames women and employs silencing tactics.
You should look at that interview, that Tarantino couldn't know or even step back to see just because Weinstein treated him great doesn't mean he's not a monster.
And I'm looking through this book now and seeing that it's full of these stories that dip into his memoir, but I don't see any mention or lifting of survivors.
It's all about Tarantino and how he describes his fun.
Some of the best memoirs coming out from people in The Biz for me is showing how the silencing and traumas are intertwined with the public, the personal in the public reflecting on being a survivor, and in writing survivors are healed through the writing itself.
There is no speculation for me that the women who come forward as well as the men or anyone I might add are creating speculation. This is for real.
Yes, plenty of films about boys surviving abusive fathers. But where is one film that shows in honesty how two people, one abusive, one enabling, happens to be respectively female and male?
And I mean in the way that the abuser is also a Survivor which is why the enabler is fully understanding of why they might do what they do.
Gone Girl, now that's a movie that I think of my first girlfriend. When anyone could be mentally unhealthy disordered or illness
And he still goes back to her.
As movies can allow us the Deep empathy, that allows us to inhabit bodies, that I can inhabit the feeling of being able to escape someone who is abusive.
There was a time I felt shameful for being a boy as well as being a man. There are times I wanted to be a mother and Carrie knows that I even mentioned that bond.
During my ma celebration where people bought me drinks, I love pina coladas, I somehow shouted out or said out loud I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Everyone looked at me and laughed woth me. I was trying to put something in words that only something ridiculous could come out. Of course they knew I was raised by two moms so that was on my side.
That's why I love movies with strong female leads or even lesbian couples because it reminds me of the times I admired my mother's. Of course they had their own childhood traumas and things were always peachy keen.
But we always loved movies
We found ways to come back to each other
