Getting on the Greyhound bus tonight to go home, driving overnight to arrive in Topeka at 6:00.
Today I went to the United Artist movie theater in Denver which I'd always wanted to go to. Of course Regal owns it now but they still have the United Artist stuff. I wrote a poem about it.
I also went to Bubba Gump Shrimp which I've always wanted to go to. And it was delicious.
Did reflecting and writing today.
I woke up at 5:00 so I went back to sleep and woke up at 8:00. It was nice to sleep in a little but I also reflected on what it means to sleep in.
I went to flatiron coffee and got some writing done as well as typing my notes. I was surprised at how no one was really there.
I went back to get some laundry done but somebody had their clothes in the machine. So I took off and came to campus and did some writing with the trees. I went back and their laundry was in the dryer. Then no one was coming to get the dryer clothes.
So I just did my laundry and then put everything back. Did some more reflecting.
Ronaldo Wilson complimented me on my poem last night. Discussing how I use the masculine and The Feminine interweaving. And I said yeah I wrote an essay called against masculinity because even the so-called healthy masculinity is still masculinity and how do we get past that? He said he didn't know either
Very kind very kind person.
Tonight is the reading of Jeffrey, Ronaldo, Anne, and music by Ambrose.
Thursday
For the workshop, we worked on the seven layer breathing through the body. It means starting with the pores and going down to the marrow then coming back to the pores.
Then we drew our body out an actual size. We labeled different things that our body told us. Then we wrote a poem out of that.
What I love is we had to figure a way to perform it. And my group came up with doing it like a conversation where one of us would say something like a line or a metaphor and the other would say oh that reminds me of this which is and then they would read a line from their pole. This will make a really good student activity.
And gave a talk and then showed her black Lodge opera. What is interesting is the whole volume as Burroughs thing we just can't shake off. I feel sad that the people who took her libretto changed it removed things and really just made the thing their own. That it didn't really feel like a collaboration.
There was a fantastic reading, especially as the conversational part of what Tango did. Like a conversation, with little heh and going intense, then back to just a calm with heh.
Friday
Inspiration from Edwin Torres, to check out books on kundalini and somatic healing. Develop writing out of.
Another breathing exercise that we then move around the room and then go up to a wall and just put our hands on the wall. It was a really intense sense of embodiment and it made the writing on a different level.
So that the writing could say something about being in that vibration of the room.
Edwin did his discussion on how the writing is somewhere outside of what is said or experienced. That there are Pointers that lead us in the poem.
Student reading was really fantastic that students even sang a song or did some kind of performance. I managed to take four different poems some from the beginning of some of two mothers leading into the two women and then a poem to finish from this removed utopia. I love how the poem ended, that I delivered it as a conversation. That they were just some really easy metaphors and then the two women kind of a spoken word and then ending on a high language poem.
I have a really High sense and admire Ronaldo Wilson. One of the younger students here getting a ba did something in the colloquium called word search. It was really amazing putting the poem together like a word search but there were three words that stood out that were highlighted. Ronaldo bad it is back and then spent two hours talking to him, looking at his poems, giving him advice for sending work out.
Tuesday
A prolific morning in workshop, as my performative piece led me to making this (see below). I teamed with Celeste, a Clinical Kundalini Yogi, who could see what I did. My process of making bypassed my thought-brain to reveal the shapes and words of how I see myself. See the boxes? The language that is in my writing? Even when she was telling me what was right in front of me, my defenses kicked in a little. I then said, rubbish! I'm going to listen to everything she has to tell me. I'm so glad I did! The whole theme of my piece is about being BLOCKED! Even the bumper cars of thoughts that hit each other with nowhere to go! (I am sure Carrie has a lot to say, too, :) )
I performed what Celeste wrote as a type of ceremony to rid me of this, then crumbled it at the end.
So I am seeking out ways to unblock my body / creativity for the rest of the week to move into a restorative practice.
So my lesson learned is to continue listening for that unexpected teacher to come.
Of course, I will share more with all of you in person, folks and friends of Kansas, sometime this year. I am guessing July will be for family and the continued writing and typing out all of my journal notes. Thank you for reading! #SWP2023 #NaropaSWP
An amazing panel by Vincent Katz outlining the history of mimeo from the 60s and 70s, what you might otherwise call zines. Ronaldo Wilson had a biotalk, discussing the use of persona. I'm honored to be able to catch these two! #SWP2023 #NaropaSWP
I worked on seven postcards and I worked on the poem based on the ritual of the movement music.
Wednesday
Day off from naropa but just as important.
Went to my brother's bar where the Beats used to hang out and took a lot of footage there. I did some writing and reflection today. I went to Tattered Cover which is just across the street from Coors Field. I found rose quartz book a poems as I was holding my rose quartz.
I did more reflective writing and went to the Rockies game.
The day started out where I learned Kundalini Yoga from Ariana Reines. I was one of two people joining that were new, as the others were part of her workshop. It was really amazing how each part of the sequence did something, like to protect against something getting in, then getting rid of any anger, then going through to help with invasive thinking and feeling.
Then I went to Nederland to find the crystals I wanted to get to take home. I also rode on the Carousel of happiness which is an amazing Vietnam veteran project. He restored an old carousel and carved the animals himself as a way of healing.
I did reflective writing this evening and thinking of a poetry project in the future, to come up with a book called Topeka poetry reader. I've always thought of it and I just want to kind of go forward with that. But of course after these other books I want to get published.
Friday, June 23, 2023
That I'm trying to catch up on blog entries is a really good sign that I've been so busy.
I'm starting every morning with my haptic.
We had another Workshop day where we talked about intrusions, t r e, how to take the notes we've done in our field work and type as fast as possible on a computer to make more notes to make poems out of. Ca suggested making two copies one to hide for a month and the other to work with during a month. They said to do it to go back to copy number two try reading backwards after that month.
Today was extra special because I received my ritual of how to do that. It will involve reclaiming the Sun.
Margaret Randall gave a great talk about distractions.
The student reading was tonight and I read there.
Saturday, June 23, 2023
Another haptic, this one about my late mother.
I went into Denver and did some more writing about movie rituals. I did reflection on returning and I wrote some more poems.
Tonight was the last night of the week where there was a reading, then we went to my neighbor Felix which is a Mexican restaurant.
Wednesday, June 21
I went for my first Sunrise of summer solstice at 5:00 a.m. and it was wonderful. We did chance, someone played their harp, we did writing. I stayed and had good conversations like with Hannah about her monster project that I just brought up monsters Journey. I had a good conversation with Sherwin about my teaching practices and I learned a lot about where he is and his dependents on poets from other places. It made me think that I'm lucky to have Kevin and Jericho for that support.
As my panel was accepted I've spent some time working on that and found out that I could print using the Allen Ginsberg library.
I also typed up poems for my reading on friday.
Meeting Selah was the highlight of today, to finally connect with her and her wife. She gave a great talk about divinatory poetics. She even used her cards to describe what the room was, how the place of the room was.
I rested after picking up my fiji water. I know Thursday and Friday will be all-day going on.
Thursday, June 22
With my morning haptic, and I'm keeping in mind with what CA said about the third day, but the seismograph that I made is a representation of how I am, that the top surface is tense and restrictive while the bottom surface is loose and playful. So that led to my writing about how that was made from my very childhood period that I would be in trouble for being creative period
That led me to thinking about even when my mother divorced my father and mother Sandra moved in. She could bring love and healing to us through her practices and we could heal her. Even with this home of love and healing we were cut off by the neighborhood. I lost my friends. And it's something I could never talk about at school as I already had dawned depression and just kept to myself. I tried to stay clear of people let alone share that aspect of love. There's also a lot I don't remember that time which is nice to know that I helped the person in home ec with her napkin maker. So that even that idea of myself as being someone who is closed off that I was maybe helping others without remembering or knowing it.
I'm getting ready for the student panel and I'm thinking in these terms of sharing. I know that my interest in neuroscience comes from mother Sondra, that looking at how poetry heals and the psychology of it is definitely from that.
Also I know I've been thinking about reaching out to people to see if they would want to sign up for my tiny letter email which I would rarely send things but I still wanted to send hopeful matters as well as talk about local events going on. My time at naropa has just fortified this, that I want to go out and move out into the world with what I've learned and share it with others. I guess that's the heart of a teacher?
CA posted a pic of a poem from This Removed Utopia. My response: Thank you, CA, beyond what I can say as thanks. My poetic utopia is where poets are seen and loved as well as reciprocate seeing and loving all poets. You set that example. 💕💕💕
I am wondering if I really need to have that as my return to social media, with intent and purpose to share local and National poets.
Again to focus on those people who crave that, as I know that is why people are really putting things about their successes up, because they still feel insecure in that they crave to be seen and loved.
So I should be around people that I know see and love me as well as share that. Maybe that is what the boundary is?
In the middle of the ca ritual, I approached Claire to tell her about Alison Cobb's plastic book. She shared about how her family has cancer from working in the Dow Chemical plants. It was then I realized when I was saying she should write about that as a way for healing, that maybe I'm like my mother's giving their own prescriptions for healing, their own approaches as nurses. I'm both the doctor and the nurse when thinking of Western medicine, something that I have against Hospital systems as the heart and mind are divided.
When I did my writing this morning by choosing a younger tree and an older tree, the younger tree had more to say to me while the older tree had nothing. I tried two different times and I got a little frustrated, but afterwards I realized what am I doing? If the tree doesn't want to say something it doesn't have to. Again, the younger tree had more to say to me.
We had a Bernadette mayor reading for the noontime, and there's a Kansas poem even! I have to really get some Bernadette Meyer poetry soon.
The lyric consciousness talk that Dan beachy quick gave was really amazing. There's so much I want to look into more about that and I want to explore etymologies more through these dictionaries. I should look up the dictionaries that he uses.
The really good thing about this time is it feels like summer school. People are very open and inviting to be friends. There's a very cool staff involvement to where they're dropping by with students showing a movie like but I'm a cheerleader.
The thing about my panel which I didn't expect was that we were all Queer. It was really fascinating!
Now is the reading for tonight and I'm really excited for it.
Now I'm not going to say I'm doing some kind of William Stafford thing, because the ritual of using the courts for the happiness (hapnics) is really working.
My voice to text heard happens (hapnics) and wrote happiness.
Happiness Happens Hapnics
Title of another project
I did some writing and feels good.
Gained a few more rituals from ca's class, and still wondering what I should propose for asking for my own ritual for writing.
It's a tie between Gatekeepers or the Sun in summertime.
Ariana Reines discussion really drove this home as tomorrow's summer solstice. How summer has been an opposing force in my life that I would like to take in again. I wish I could feel the same way that so many people feel about the Sun. It's funny I even love being inside over being outside, but this trip has helped turn me around. Topeka, Kansas is not built for being on foot or on bicycle, although the movement is there. The Topeka metros cancellation of bicycles is a really good example.
Today was workshop day one with CA Conrad where I'm immersing myself in somatic ritualistic writing. I have my rose quartz in hand, talking to the grandmother sycamore tree on the Naropa campus, surprising myself with what the tree had to say.
The panel and talk also we're amazing this afternoon.
I would have never imagined being here, reclaiming poetry again, time and time again, as that language-based energy that has saved my life more than once.
I'm looking forward to this week and the next, open and embracing of whatever words and conversations are ahead of me.
It's Father's day, and as carrying the boys are back at home I still feel like I had a really good celebration this first half of the month.
It's a day of reflection for me. I've been thinking about all of the work I've done so far and how it is a measure of the past with the present. The queer colorful Colorado project feels like no exception. But we're looking at the past through a lens of the present and trying to recover what voices are back there that could not be known.
I'm thinking about the EMDR Poetics project.
I'm thinking of my legacy writing, of my mother's and of sons. Mythos, ties with family. Trickster poetics, writing from the liminal.
Of course the Topeka book is still resonating.
I wrote a couple of more poems more from a perspective if I was a miner.
Poets are mining through their bodies sitting on the Earth.
At the Movies, wrap up MCU and move into poetic ritual.
Phase two of my sabbatical begins today. I had to say goodbye to carrying the boys and it was rough
It actually felt like I was being dropped off for college. We drove around to the back of naropa and I've got hugs and kisses goodbye.
I checked in for my apartment although it still feels like a dorm as there are two beds. It is a shared space downstairs with a living room, dining room, kitchen, and laundry room.
It feels like the college experience I never had.
I'm relaxing with the movie now. The blackening.
Tonight I'm going to go shopping at Safeway which is on the way back to the apartment. I'll be able to buy a lot of my lunches and dinners that way as I have a microwave, a refrigerator, and a freezer.
I'm guessing on my Wednesday mornings when I don't have workshop I'll be doing a lot of writing.
The last full day for my family to be in Colorado before they head home tomorrow.
We went hiking in Chautauqua Park. They have their own thing going on for staying in lodging, restaurant, and musical performances.
https://bouldercolorado.gov/locations/chautauqua-park
I am planning out the next two weeks, making sure everything is lined up.
We walked through Downtown Estes Park, hit the road to Boulder, checked in, had down time.
I stared reading the books Naropa asked us to purchase, getting ready for the classes.
We are visiting Estes Park Museum today. As I was going over their website, they have recordings, photos, and other things.
There are also some really interesting phrases like how in reminiscing it will not be factually accurate. It was also a postcard of two Arapahoe with white people. The two Arapahoe were dressed in Western suits. They were not smiling.
Also there's a website of all of the Colorado newspapers which is really impressive to me.
In the afternoon we went to Rocky Mountain National Park and explored all the way up to Rainbow loop. These are really amazing outlooks points. The first was about the different Rocky Mountains and the second was about the valley itself and the different things created out of the glaciers. There should be something about the glaciers now, something about the mountains.
Found more things about how the Arapahoe were in the area and used the trails in the mountains.
Tomorrow is Boulder.
It rained all day, so we made plans to go to Fort collins. I visited Odell Brewery while the boys went to the library with Carrie. And we came back and had you need pie pie.
Found deer in our campsite.
Laundry this afternoon.
Doing research and looking at the lineup at naropa again, I made notes about the things I've looked at throughout my time in Colorado so far. I just see all of the juxtapositions of even surface to what's Underground. Thinking of this theme of mining through the body and through the spine. Not as a physical manifestation but a spiritual one.
What is the role of the poet and how is the poet opposed by people who work in camping places, people who are camping out, people who are on vacation, people who are tourists, people who are locals, and so forth.
What about the people who are still working laboriously like miners?
Also, being away from Topeka I have these little signs from the books I've read through and places I'm looking at the Topeka project is more important or just as important. I will have to work on this simultaneously, but getting the documents about the toxic EPA sites of topeka, President Pierce proclamation, interweaving with all of the Abolitionist things, to make it more like a documentary Poetics project.
We went into Estes Park today in the morning, ate at a Nepal restaurant, went to a bookstore where I bought a book. No surprise there! Then we went into Rocky Mountain National Park in the afternoon. The three younger boys became Junior rangers.
Do you leave trash on the grounds? No.
Do you pick wild flowers? No. Why? Because they are living things.
Do you feed any of the animals in the park? No. Why? Because then they will like human food and go after humans to get more food.
I'm reflecting a lot about that Leadville experience, how again being an immersion can reveal things that you wouldn't otherwise think about. Being in that space and opened a possibility. It's like the minor spoke through me, that somehow I was overwhelmed by great compassion with sympathy that I had to embody a voice to write about that experience in a positive way. And while riding the poem certain things came to me about that story.
Mark Nowak has a similar thing in his book about a fictional account although it's also pieced together with three different sources.
I might try that both ways, just having the dramatic monologue, or taking the dramatic monologue with documents and text.
June 11, 2023
Discovered that all of the different hiking in Lake areas in Estes Park are a part of Rocky Mountain National Park and one needs a pass to get in.
Also discovered that the Stanley Hotel asks for its money before you can visit it.
So the project is developing after I've been looking at Coal Mountain Elementary, that the use of museums and guide books counter to news reports and actual history might be a good way to document.
Also, the dramatic monologues based on each City, so the title and City and time period are listed.
I do like the Estes Park angle of tuberculosis that people came to make this a tourist place for health but at the cost of driving out the arapahoe.
Possible title for manuscript
Welcome to colorful Colorado, done in the pride flag colors
A travel day. We bought Voodoo doughnuts and had a park breakfast. Said goodbye to my mother and travelled to Estes Park. Took some time to set up the tents.
A down day.
Learn that Estes Park was formed because of Tourism as it helped the founder with tuberculosis.
The tour guide pamphlet mentioned about the Arapahoe and how they inhabited the region. It also mentioned about in the early 1900s how Congress would name certain Peaks and places Native American place names. Of course it doesn't mention about how they drove the Arapahoe out of the area.
Of moving in 1859, 1863, 1873.
A lot of mentioning about the struggles of white people. Nothing about the struggles of the arapahoe.
We went to Evergreen for the day. A lot of my reflection was on MomSoni, as she loved going into gift shops for her spending. How addictive spending was for her.
We went to see the Rockies play tonight. I took a picture of a huge mural that depicts the past into the present. At the left end there are the stereotypical native people on the distance, the only place they are represented.
We went to the Denver Museum of Science and nature and spent five hours there. There were a couple of interesting things that I noticed that I hadn't thought of before. One is that Colorado is divided in half. The second is the man in the maze, how I took notes of the tribe that looks similar to The Western idea of the labyrinth.
The Egyptian exhibit was also interesting of how it tied into what I teach in mythology.
Likewise, I took in a film tonight at the Mayan Theater and took pictures around. I want to do research on how many other movie theaters took on that Mayan idea and exactly when that was.
I wrote a few beginnings to poems.
The Bone Wars
Yes, Colorado also had another gold rush around 1877. Two paleontologists fighting for dinosaur discoveries in Colorado, and Denver highlights. We discovered this at Dinosaur Ridge. Even the hotel we are at centers around dinosaurs.
https://royalgorgeregion.com/the-bone-wars/
The stuff of movies, that the two were cutthroat against each other.
Today, I did some reading of poetry. But I think this story of toxic rivalry is a fascinating subject.
(
https://www.dmns.org/visit/exhibitions/?filter=Permanent
Together with Indigenous community partners, the Denver Museum of Nature & Science has made the decision to close the North American Indian Cultures Hall, located on level 2, this summer.
Developed in the 1970s, the Hall perpetuated harmful stereotypes and centered the Museum and white, dominant culture. We recognize the harm done and are committed to working with our partners to reimagine exhibition, curation, collecting, programming and conservation practices with respect to Indigenous cultural histories, heritage and belongings.
We are always proud to be #yourMuseum, and we know that comes with responsibility. We are committed to doing the work to be a more inclusive and respectful Museum for all.
Have I mentioned that the dramatic monologue might be the best approach for these poems?
Realize the Tommyknockers were those gnome creatures that the Irish brought back with them the Irish folklore. That if something happened in the minds that they blame the tommyknockers.
We walked around Echo Lake we actually walked the path to the lodge and then went back. I was inspired to write a poem something about this character of this minor and finding the soft times.
It's just an angle of masculinity I hadn't thought of before as I've always thought I was against masculinity but how could I play with that idea of the trickster. The person who poses and is a CIS man, but also is gentle.
The green man came to mind today because of looking at the trees and thinking of the Green Man being a part of them.
We came in for lunch at Idaho Springs where we met with my mom. We're at Beau Jo's having a good time.
We had a wonderful stay in Breckenridge at an Airbnb. What's interesting is how Breckenridge is a skiing town and you can see that we are in the off-season, but there's so much about its mining history. We went to the Iowa Trail and they have an Interactive part of it that talks about the mining. I need to revisit it because Carrie hurt her knee. Then we go to a park that looked for interesting and it's called Tom's baby Park. Tom's baby was named because Tom found a golden nugget and swaddled it in a blanket. So the whole park has a statue about this gold mining person.
I'm going to visit the museum tomorrow when it opens. But I think it's just fascinating because Breckenridge is made of tourists and you have all the tourism stuff down on Main Street. But there are no fast food restaurants. Everything is local.
But then you have the locals you can see people are made of money from the people who are just scrapping.
Next to our Airbnb is a house of four different vehicles. So it's not high range but just a house but by Topeka standards still would be very expensive.
There's definitely this idea of class even those who are prospecting for gold. That something allowed people to freelance in Hunt For Gold on their own which is what Breckenridge is all about and emphasizes. But in Leadville where the town is poorer still the mining emphasis is on how rough and difficult the conditions were in the mines. However there was the idea of climax which they do talk about as a mining town
June 4, 2023
This is what they call a down day, a day off. One can't do something everyday. Even when it feels like a vacation.
We thought that the tent was fixed by duct tape and we were wrong. It was completely flooded including cots and blankets. One of the sleeping bags too.
We spent a lot of time trying to fix it, put a tarp over it, dried the wet things, put the cots together put the tarp over them so we could put the sleeping bags down.
Today was a struggle getting everything packed up. But we got it done and had a wonderful breakfast at Mojo's Eatery in salida.
We decided to make the Airbnb in Breckenridge. We're biting the bullet, but it was just be an obstacle to try to think we would be camping out where there's no shower.
We're pretty tired and cranky, but we're having lunch at an elementary school where there's a playground. This town is a tourist town for sure. It's the offseason which is really interesting because it's a ski resort.
However, I'll be able to check out a couple of Mining Museums here as this was a mining town. We're just going to get a good night's rest just have this day for respite. Waiting for our home to be open at 4:00 and still have two more hours to go.
We investigated the downtown area and went to a special toy store to look around. I noticed they have a main mining Museum right in downtown. Some of the other mining" Museums" are more like tourist traps. Like one where you can pan for your own gold!
I think that there's the big difference between a museum that has a curator and is actually historical content versus someone who can just look up the history and do their own business. It's like the rilo kylie song. anyone can take their stuff and open a museum and put them on display so that everyone can see em.
June 3, 2023
We went hiking on a trail outside of Salida. It was wonderful, unexpecting because you can't see how the trails are from the highway. You have to go on them to really get a sense of how wonderful it is to hike. Let Ursula off her leash.
Wrote poems about the minors, as well as the mountain bikers we encountered. How it can challenge masculinity, or even be like gay fellowship.
I am learning that someone can have aproject while the real project waits through the experience of observation, emersion writing.
Tomorrow, we head to Idaho Springs campground.
June 2, 2023
Salida, Buena vista, leadville
had an interesting Discovery at the Buena Vista Park that had a World War I Memorial dedicated to Four soldiers who died. It's fascinating that the Great War with four dead from the town would be memorialized.
A national mining Museum was really good. The outside statue with its corrosion looked like two men and an erotic pose. It made me reflect on how many minors were in the closet. Were there any couples?
There was a mining town named climax Colorado that the people there had a great life in the mountains. I'm curious about that too.
In England
https://amp.theguardian.com/film/2014/aug/31/pride-film-gay-activists-miners-strike-interview
Contact this guy
https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/colorado-s-1st-lgbtq-curator-uncovering-state-s-hidden-queer-n1268854
https://www.outfrontmagazine.com/brief-lgbt-history-colorado/
https://gazette.com/news/remembering-the-leadville-night-oscar-wilde-charmed-grimy-silver-miners-david-ramsey/article_e90207a0-bdff-11e9-ade4-6bfcb17aec3c.amp.html
Concise statement of nature and location of project: (Please fill in – do not refer to application) What educational and other merits did you receive from your sabbatical, and in what manner will this benefit your work at Washburn?
(Continue on another page if space here is inadequate.)
What is your evaluation of the actual results of your sabbatical, in comparison with the goals you outlined in your application, and in what manner did it upgrade your academic or administrative credentials?
Were your goals realized?
Was any course work taken (for credit or audit) at a University or College, as a part of your sabbatical program? If so, please file an official transcript of the course as a part of this report. (If not available now, please provide a copy as soon as one can be obtained.) On the reverse side, please account for each of the days of your sabbatical, showing where you were, what you did (in general), persons contacted, et
June 1, 2023
Great Sand Dunes Naitonal Park
My first time there, to see how there are sand dunes in the middle of the mountains due to the forces of nature. Many Native American tribes found them sacred.
It's common for cluds to go through mountains. It seemed like the top of the sand mountains touched the clouds, too.
Did some writing about travel and the sand dunes.
[
What educational and other merits did you receive from your sabbatical, and in what manner will this benefit your work at Washburn?
In teaching Nature writing, and simply writing from the experience of what happens.
Also, poetry generation as a way to submit as part of "research"
What is your evaluation of the actual results of your sabbatical, in comparison with the goals you outlined in your application, and in what manner did it upgrade your academic or administrative credentials?
I am often planning ahead for poetry projects, so I forget how, when removed from the everyday, new experiences can bring fresh writing.
May 30, 2023
A lot of driving. Almost ran out of gas on the way to Limon.
May 31, 2023
Stopped in Canon City for lunch. Went to Howard, CO just out of Salida to set up camp.
As it rained, I read from the two assigned books for my Naropa conference.
