Down

So I thought I dodged being sick as everyone else has been here. No such luck. Carrie said I will feel better tomorrow if I rest today. So the boys are in quarantine for Halloween and I'm stuck in bed. I feel pretty lousy, so I'm not sure what I'll get written but I'm going to try. But I'm guessing I'll just be mostly sleeping today.

Day 53

Barbara and I met today maybe for the last time at Blackbird as we agreed we need to get to start the real work at Studio 831. We talked about the third aspect of our triptych which will be the future. We talked about the prepared mind that what you need comes to you, as she talked about how she will draw the same tree and see something new and a different aspect in it that she hasn't seen before. As far as the third part, we thought about the words altering, treatment of water, a people, we thought about the need for activism and to speak through our art, I thought about even making this part prose poetry. Other things colon pipes pressure water, where is the problem? Pressure, to fix. Runoff one-off, we are experiencing the runoff of the crisis, hurricanes flooding. Water doesn't go where it needs to. Hydroplaning, or what I called water drifting. We are hydroplaning so we need to turn the cruise control off as we can't operate the brakes. The hydrant is broken. Cautionary tales without being preachy.

Day 52

I did a few rubbings today. I learned to take my time, not to do it in medias res.

Day 51

I wrote a few poems about going to the movies and movies that are out. I am still hoping to meet Barbara on Tuesday but I've been feeling sick. I really need to do those rubbings if I'm going to see her on Tuesday. So maybe going to Gage Park early then meeting her a blackbird to give her the results would be best. Tomorrow is a day of rest so I plan to go through my cut-ups of the plaques and figure out what would be the best rubbings to make.

Many of my poems about my boys are about when I'm leaving them, because as I right now and they could possibly have in the future is like life, that the work I do and changing students lives is like the work I do in their lives, that any money I make will go towards my boys security, and that these selected poems about them are to help them uncover me. I don't want them spending their lives wondering why I am who I am, I just want to tell them and have them reflect on if they had a wonderful childhood. So now is the time to make a wonderful childhood for them, and I know the house on Boswell is a place like that. Sometimes it really is where you live that creates a psychic positivity.

Day 50

I went to the Topeka Shawnee County Public Library today and checked out many books about water scarcity and climate change. I also printed off some of the plaque materials from Gage Park so I can begin thinking about what I will call Project 2 of the two Ponder's series. Finally, I'm going to do some writing tonight after my poetry reading with a net Billings at the library.

List of things my boys like

Legos, pokemon, Netflix series, constellations, mythology, fairy tales, dolphins, dinosaurs

Abacus, lady bugs, Boswell Park, Kansas City

Halloween,  Christmas

Day 49

I made a little breakthrough today and what I'd like to do for some of the children's poems. Just as I am looking at some of the scrying activities for looking at the future I think that nursery rhymes and fairy tales might be the way into looking at the Children's work. As fairy tales off and have repeating tropes and nursery rhymes have repeating tropes, there might be something as a kind of scrying and invocation for protection. It really is the protection of boys Hearts from the world of masculinity.

On another note I finished my packet for the petition for promotion to senior lecturer.

It was rainy today, so I'm hoping to take the boys out to the park and do my first rubbing.

Day 48

I'm in Wichita, doing some writing for Speaking Out at the Movies, research on scrying, some other writing. Scrying is like poetry, looking for symbols, then interpreting.

Incantations, seem to be asking for visions to be "pure and true."

This is putting the ego aside, asking someone for a sign, invocation of the muse.

I went to see Bad Night at the El Royale--such a wonderful film. I am back to thinking about my invocation poem to films and my boys. I might just need to write out why I took the night trips.

Ultimately, Wichita's area is not a great source for inspiration for me.

Good news about this all, just like the books I needed were in my hands, the same with Trickster Feminism. I just found out about scrying last night and then I turn the book today and see the word scrying. Anne Waldman's poems rooted in ritual to face today.
[


Water gazing

http://www.angelfire.com/on/wicca/H20Gaze.html

The simplest technique is known as gazing or scrying, in which water is used to create symbols of the future. To perform this ancient rite, pour water into a blue ceramic bowl. Ask your question. Sit with your back to the light in a darkened room and gaze into but not at the water. (Some people add a few drops of blue food color or ink to the water to darken it; this is particularly useful when using a light colored bowl.)

As with a crystal ball, the water may cloud. Eventually you may begin to see symbols within its cool depths. Make note of any such symbols. When no further symbols are seen, begin the process of interpretation.

Some water gazers prefer to have the light of a candle reflected on the water surface. Others take the bowl outside on a cloudless night and, capturing the moon's reflection, divine by its appearance on the water.

Day 47

We closed on our new house today! Then it was off to Lawrence to see if I could get Neil Gaiman tickets which I recommend if there is any kind of event like that to go extra early. It looked impossible to get tickets by the time I got there a little after 11 am. So it was off 2 North Wichita where I'm staying at a Days Inn for cheap while I'm giving book discussions tonight and tomorrow night and Newton and Hutchinson respectively. I managed to get a few poems written along the way just a few small scraps. After I refresh I'm going to Mojo's in Newton to do a little more writing. After my book discussion I'm going to go see the film Halloween and then write about seeing it.

I received a lead on a possibility for the third element for the show Barbara and I are putting together. In discussing The House on Mango Street someone mentioned scrawing. I had never heard of it, but will look into it as a poetic mysticism approach.

I also am playing with: if you take a rat to the movies.

Day 46

I am finding time to write everyday, a mantra I will print off and place in my office. I am truly honored and grateful for this sabbatical, as I could find my writing again, build it up from a pond to a wave, an ocean, and it feels good to be creative again. I mean, that creativity as an ongoing process. If you stop, it stops.

I wrote a few prose poems for my film-meets-assault project, and developed four poems for my pond rubbings.

Just a little every day, even on "days off."

Day 45

Barbara handed me the materials for our rubbings today, saying it will work! I am going through the Rock garden dedication words, looking for what I will narrow down.

Today and tomorrow will be days with the fam, but Monday I will have time when I am visiting Newton for a TALK--The House on Mango Street.

Also, we close on Monday morning!

Projects for Now

I am creating this blog entry to keep track of what I am working on, in order of importance:

Pond project with Barbara
Prose poetry against sexual assault via movies / Against Masculinity
Poems about my boys

Work on another Countup to the new year with trailers

Use the descriptions form 1990's movies for cutups
http://www.languageisavirus.com/cutupmachine.php
http://www.languageisavirus.com/visual-poetry/index.php

I do wish to finish that little house essay and plan to work on other Kansas essays. As I look at all of the Kansas books I would love to be recognized as a Kansas author in this regard to.

Day 44

Today I discovered my Venom and The Predator project does work better as prose poems and not as an essay. It is going into my overall Against Masculinity writing. I want to explore other movies I see this year, as well as the film genre to mask as one of toxic masculinity.

I worked on a few of these today. I also typed up some of the poems from the pond writing, as well as have started looking at the words from the plaques.

Sadly, I can't enroll in this class when I need it. I look to in the future.
http://enroll.lawrenceartscenter.org/search-classes/event/1136

Day 43

One of those high-low days: the high being when I hosted the poetry reading against domestic violence on campus. Lows: Carrie couldn't get her work done when PT's wifi was done, I am just getting to my work at Blackbird as we hustled to get a contract extension in for our house. I need ot revise my letter for senior Lecturer now. But not before I write a poem. I will need to learn strategies for poetry writing. Who knows, maybe this blog will be a way--to continue the flow of writing after sabbatical is over--to squeeze in a poem every day?

Day 42

Jackie Robinson was 42, will always be 42. I am reading Citizen for a book discussion at TSCPL tonight and it is influencing me, not just as a documentary poetics book, but also the voice--those prose poems. I want to take my Predeator and Venom project and make it small prose poems instead.

I still think of the McDonald's today--gettting fries at the same store I worked at--seeing they had Pokemon and Hello Kitty, and I heard the female cashier ask the driver behind me if they wanted boy or girl toys in the Happy Meals.

I fought in the 80's. I lost.

Day 41

Today's meeting with Barbara ended up being a plan meeting. We discussed the possibilities of what our show will look like including the layout. We agreed to make a triptych of a show where the pond would serve as the center and then on one side would be my rubbings with her watercolors. We are still looking for the third element for the show but out of the creative process I'm sure it will come to us. She is asking around about a possible Letterpress type that I can use for my poems. Michael Bradley is the first on the list to ask. We are set for March 1st show and the Noto Arts space building. We are really excited about making this a special show one that is open to everyone so the sense of politics that is often in my work might be connected to interconnections and not necessarily one side. We agreed we wanted this to be a show for everyone as we are already in a political climate and we are each individually doing other projects that approach that.

Day 40 with a look at Day 41

And so the idea of trying to find a Letterpress led me into thinking about how I could successfully get my poems on a nice looking paper. I want even as far as thinking about buying letters from Letterpress and using a mallet to hit them on a piece of paper, then using a pencil to rub over it gently so one could read the words. I'm not sure how that would look, but I've always loved the idea of rubbings and etchings. Getting those fall leaves on a piece of paper and it's very Elementary, very easy that children are asked to do it in school, but aren't they beautiful anyway? One can see the design of a leaf in a different way? Maybe that's why I was thinking of the etchings and terms of what the Gage Park has in all of the different bronze dedications around the park. They are all over the place and each one could be a source of doing some emission poetry and then using the nice piece of paper and some kind of pencil over it might be to be a larger pencil need to look into that. However, a lot of the Poetry making would be done inside using photos I take ahead of time. This will be my project for tomorrow is to take pictures around the park before meeting with Barbara at blackbird. Today, I'm on the road headed for Junction City for a talk over Fried Green Tomatoes. Carrie and I watch the film over the weekend and it is nothing like the book well I can't say that but it's selective. The interesting thing is that they did not want the movie 2 have the lesbian relationship the lesbian love between the two characters. That is enigmatic to me but probably with a success of beaches and all those other times as other films around that time that Hollywood needed their movies to be a certain way. Anyway, I'm thinking of using that film as a catalyst to writing, and I'm also going to look at a lot of the other things I have currently that need to be edited. Vanessa also did me a world of good for giving me feedback on my letter for senior lecturer so I will be looking at those comments too.

I was taking so many notes about how many poets use scenes from movies and there has to be some interesting connection. I am just hitting the jackpot with irony, finding the books I need at the right time like the ekphrastic books I was happening to carry around. Kevin just wrote ekphrastic poetry at Johnson County Community College recently, so I wonder if I should go that way sometime either with the pain project or with my son's project. Right now, I already have a lot to choose from.

One of the books I checked out was about the history of Gage Park so I wonder if I can find online an archaic source about parks—to examine racism, sexism, etc.

I am sending out Strike Out things, hoping to get a catch from the Pentatgon Papers omissions. If I get a few published, it will feel like a better use of time when I get back to it in the spring. 

I am having the joy of writing an Our 1990's Fried Green Tomatoes poem, having an hour to examine Bianca Stone's "Blue Jays" to figure out how she pulls of the mother-based poem. p 54 of The Mobius Strip Club of Grief.

Days 38 and 39

Yesterday, it was one of the down days for me. A lot of the things I wrote we're horrible, not going really anywhere, and just plain awful. Luckily, my friend Kevin visited from Emporia when he was going to see a play here in Topeka put on by Ad Astra theater. And it's something we agreed on that you're just going to have the down days and things aren't coming out well or you're just not doing great. It makes sense, as Friday was also just a challenging day to get some things done for that getting the house and doing things around here looking for linoleum to spread out for our bathroom. Today was a great day though, as I wrote a few poems that are promising. I'm using some books I checked out from the library as a way to keep my chin up, to keep the pen moving.

• Item Title                                                          Due Date

  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

  * A park in the country : Gage Park's century

  33247023517582                                              11/2/2018 23:59

  * About what was lost : 20 writers on miscarriage, healing, and hope

  33247026833622                                              11/2/2018 23:59

  * Milk

  33247025642461                                              11/2/2018 23:59

  * The Mo¨bius strip club of grief

  33247028573564                                              11/2/2018 23:59

  * The children are reading

  33247028457578                                              11/2/2018 23:59

  * Virgin : poems

  33247028827911                                              11/2/2018 23:59

Day 37

I am finished with my draft of the letter! Relief! I am off to the Alamo Drafthouse! Will write some of the movie poem.

Day 36

Today was a great day!

Barbara and I spent 3 hours and Blackbird productive in our sketching and poetry, and our discussions, and and planning when our show will be. We are planning to have a first Friday in the Noto Art Center on March 1st, 2019. I wrote several wonderful poems for the pond project, as well as a couple 4 my other project. I'm really excited about where my writing is going.

I learned that I can't have so many projects on my plate. This is not the time to juggle and have deadlines, but to concentrate on two things to complete those things. However, I do want to finish my poetic elegy to my other mother called Beyond. I've started some line breaks as I realized it needed to be in poetry form and not as prose.

As far as the other projects, they can wait. Sadly, the Little House essay will wait until next semester. I just have so much to do, like writing the senior lecturer letter to its completion. After the morning with Barbara, I decided I wanted to put that on hold. I wanted to work on typing up the poems, sending them out, thinking about what they will look like in Letterpress form.

So looking for a Letterpress will become a major search because I will want to use it and January before the semester starts.

Day 35

So I'm having another day of adding for my senior lecturer letter where I am brainstorming and recording through the use of voice to text the things I can say in my letter. Tomorrow will be a major day for me to work on the letter. However, I will have some writing time with Barbara to as we will work from blackbird on our writing and sketching. We've had major rain these last two days and it's raining through Wednesday.

Days 33 and 34

So have spent a lot of time working on my letter for senior lecturer, a position a promotion. I'm also doing some editing of those other poems and planning more of the 1990s poems.

I'm trying to find a better way to do Letterpress then to use a lot of time up setting up the Letterpress I'm just not sure how much time it would take to set one up. I've looked into the Etching Press as a mock-up way of doing it.

Day 32

Poets have anxieties, and I have not yet met one who doesn't. This should be something people know--that poetry writing brings on its own worries.

So I am holding on to the books:

Rachel Zucker,  The Pedestrians

Mary Austin Speaker, Ceremony

Dana Ward, The Crisis of Infinite Worlds

 as I make my way through editing the poems, especially of children. Rachel writes so amazingly and authentic!

 

I am continuing on. Tomorrow, I will revise The Predator and His Venom